Over 90 % of travellers arriving to Helsinki are people, who were too drunk to get off the ferry in Stockholm or Tallinn. The excessive use of alcohol is required to balance the travellers’ visual perception against the rocking and swinging of the ship.

Unfortunately the effects continue when off board. Luckily the harbour offers a practical moving sidewalk, where one can take a short nap before crashing into the bustling whirlpool of traffic in Helsinki city centre.

Outside the Olympia terminal, you might take the 3T tram which will take you on a sightseeing tour. Take the tour too many times and you’ll end up to Koskela depot. Waking up at the depot does however save you the bother of finding a hotel.

Nearly all taxis are taken at four o’clock at night. Walking in the blizzard is a popular Finnish winter sport. Sometimes one has to use poles to keep up in the wind. This sport has been exported as Nordic walking.

The first metro train leaves at 5:15. Usually the cars are empty, but occasionally you might share the bench with someone. If the person next to you smiles, you had better change place. If he smiles and winks, you might want to switch cars. If he carries an axe, run for your life.